Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
