the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
