he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
