Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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