just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
