yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
