I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
