Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.