You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old