I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.