Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about my life...