Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(636): View more from Missouri

I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.

Fav 56 1299 3453
share tweet
(530): View more from California

I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.

Fav 18 1492 4295
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(901): View more from Tennessee

as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"

Fav 12 4681 1507
share tweet
(505): View more from New Mexico

She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

Fav 5 4110 1421
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.

Fav 2 3503 966
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.

Fav 6 2728 895
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.

Fav 4 815 1830
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(812): View more from Indiana

Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

Fav 2 1081 585
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(920): View more from Wisconsin

Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.

Fav 0 7 27
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT