Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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