How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
