My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So vagazzling was a success
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