Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
