I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
