My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Michael Bay diarrhea
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
