guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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