I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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