So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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