So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
