ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
