never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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