he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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