On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
