I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
