So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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