i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
