How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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