new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
