Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
