my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
