Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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