i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
