i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
