One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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