I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
