11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
