sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
