so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
