Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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