She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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