unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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