NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
