his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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