I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
