did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
