marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
