He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
