Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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