If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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