you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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