Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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