I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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