All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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