And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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