I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
