Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
