Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
