I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I forget how to act sober
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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