My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
