There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
