your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
