she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
