the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
