last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
