hotel room ftw
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
