Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
