I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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