a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
