but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you had me at cake vodka
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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