I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
