I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
