no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
