does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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