do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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