Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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