omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
